The Problem with Interpersonal Fall-Outs in the Workplace

Where people with differing expectations, varying cultural norms, and diverse professional backgrounds come to work together, there is going to be conflict. Not necessarily full-blown, grievance-provoking, job-ending conflict, but the kind of awkward interpersonal fall-out that can simply make the working day so much more tense and difficult.

And nowhere is this kind of conflict more prevalent than in multi-national, multicultural workplaces: exactly the kinds of places where the dispute resolvers of EU Mediation are likely to be found.

The problems with this kind of conflict or tension between people at work are that:

• It can be hard to spot. People of all cultures and nationalities have an uncanny ability to disguise or ‘mask’ the fact that they are having a major fall-out with a colleague, report, or manager. They smile their way through it, magically avoiding too much contact with the other person. Only the occasional passive-aggressive comment or action gives any clue that there may be an issue

  
  

• When they can’t pretend any longer that there is no conflict going on, people avoid having the difficult dialogue with one another. The kind of air-clearing or dispute-resolving conversation that is needed is very difficult to have. Protagonists feel exposed and vulnerable, and ultimately that they will be shown up or humiliated: particularly difficult when such a dialogue has to take place in a non-native language
  

  
  

• Even if people admit there is interpersonal friction and they resolve to try and discuss it, quite often they then find themselves getting stuck in the past: bringing up all the instances that justify their own position or actions, and engaging in a blame-game with ultimately no winner

The answer? Firstly, what we need to do is understand that conflict is normal and natural, and that it can be a tricky thing to navigate without support. People do not necessarily have the skills or inclination to walk towards difficult conversations and, even if they do, a positive outcome is not always guaranteed.

Secondly, we need a multi-pronged approach to resolving interpersonal disputes before they get out of hand, with some or all of the following steps:

• Be alert to the signs of interpersonal conflict: try and spot if people are avoiding each other, having tense conversations, or ‘leaking’ their disaffection with one another
  
  

• Train people how to have those challenging interpersonal conversations and, better still, model how conflict should be addressed. In your own words and actions, show others how to communicate positively and assertively. It rubs off!
  
  

• When people have shown a commitment to resolve things with a colleague, facilitate that conversation so that, rather than leading to blame and fault-finding, it is about the future of a better working relationship in which both individuals get their needs met.    

This is all easier said than done, of course. Conflict is not easy to deal with and it can be helpful to speak to specialists who deal all the time with these kinds of challenges. So, if you have a specific conflict situation, or even something difficult going on across the whole organisation, get in touch with us for a free and no-obligation Zoom or chat about what is going on. Even if we can’t help, we would be glad to offer some free advice and guidance for how you might help yourself!